Well Gabs, today is your very first Valentine's Day. In a few years, this holiday will be spent distributing valentine cards to classmates and friends, but for now it is simply reserved for our little family. Sadly, you are spending it at school while I am spending it at work. I stuck around an extra 45 minutes after getting you to school. You were especially snuggly/clingy today and didn't want me to leave. You cried. So did I.
All day I have felt a sadness for some reason. Well I know one of the reason's is because your Daddy got some very bad news about a friend. He is very sad and in a bit of a state of shock actually. Nothing we can do to make it all better besides give him extra hugs and loves to let him know how much we love him.
The other reason I am sad is because it is really hitting me hard to leave you at school each morning. I know that they take very good care of you, have lots of fun toys to play with and lots of sweet kids to keep you company. But at the same time, I miss you when we are not together. I find my mind frequently wandering as I wonder what you might be doing at any given moment. I have to picture you playing, giggling and exploring because if I picture you any other way but happy the guilt overwhelms me.
I don't mean for this to become a pity party by any accord. But, guilt and sadness are emotions that sometimes surface for all mothers I imagine. Ignoring these feelings won't make them go away, even if it is Valentine's Day. By acknowledging them I am actually forced to confront them head on. That is what I have done today and after letting myself shed a tear from having to be a working mother, I can now focus on all of the joy you bring. The way your eyes light up when you see me. The way your body just melts onto mine when you fall into a deep sleep. The way you smell, the curl of your hair after your bath, your sweet voice... Yes, I am a most fortunate woman and I know that is true. You are bright, beautiful, healthy, loved....I could go on and on praising you. Being apart from you while I work only reinforces how much love I have for you and makes picking you up at the end of the day the most perfect and cherished moment of my day.
I had intended to write yet another post today filled with mushy odes of love to you. But, as the day has progressed I have found myself needing to make a wish for your future. I guess my sobering mood has called for this, as well as yet another reminder that life is a very precious thing, deeply affected by the choices we ourselves make each and everyday. And so for you I make this First Valentine Wish that you will always be well and will find your way through both the smooth spots and bumps that lie ahead with utter grace, love and intelligence. I hope that I can raise you in the way you are worthy of: to help you realize and reach your full potential, fostering your creativity, protecting your spirit, showering love upon you and teaching you life's most valuable lessons. And I promise you that making this Valentine wish come true for you will be my goal each and every day for the rest of my life.
Happy Valentine's Day Sweet Gabriella!
Love, Your Momma
