Utah Drivers

There is a rumor that has been circulating in these parts (and in other parts for that matter) that Utah drivers are the worst drivers in the U.S., perhaps the worst in the world. While I pride myself in not investing too much in your typical rumor, I am sad to say that this rumor has been proven to be true to me time and time again - the latest example occuring last night as I drove to Uncle Pete's house to deliver dinner to his family. As it turns out, yesterday was a rough day of chemo for Uncle Pete but he was kind enough to at least pretend that lasagna, ceasar salad and cookies sounded good for dinner. He even got out the camera to snap a few shots of Miss Gabs. Of course, Miss Gabs, the lasagna dinner and myself almost didn't make it to his house thanks to yet another stupid Utah driver.

After being stuck behind said bad Utah driver for nearly 3 blocks of traffic near campus, I had finally noticed a clearing coming up that would let me escape to another lane. However, my friend in the Toyota before me had realized that she needed to cut over 2 lanes of traffic and make a last minute left hand turn. I try to be a laid-back driver so I kindly let her have my opening as I figured as long as she was out of my lane all was well. HOWEVER, Miss-stupid-Utah-driver-in-the-silver-Toyota suddenly decided to slam on her brakes in the middle of the intersection!!! !#$%^&*(!)(*&*(&#(said reverently in my head since I would never say such things in front of my daughter's tender ears - at least I would never admit to doing so). You just don't do that! Of course, I honk to let her know such behavior just ain't right. Doesn't she know that I am transporting my precious child AND a lasagna for cryin' out loud???!!!

Then, she started out into the left lane going about 2 MPH, nearly hitting a black BMW already in said lane and going the 35 MPH speed limit. The BMW honks, curses and throws a yuppie-style hissy fit. At this point, the Clueless-Silver-Toyota-Driving-Bimbo is now blocking two lanes of traffic at an angle that must have been hurting that poor Toyota's tires something fierce.

In the meantime, a GIGANTIC Mormon Transporter (SUV outside of Utah) comes barrelling up behind the BMW, slams on their brakes and lays into their horn as well. Ahhh...a chorus of horns. All within seconds of an accident in the same intersection. All traffic at a standstill because Miss-Growing-EVEN-Stupider-By-The-Second-Driving-A-Lucky-To-Not-Be-Smooshed-Silver-Toyota is still blocking 2 lanes of traffic and appears to be frozen like a deer in the headlights. And now our traffic light turns red. Still honking, the GIGANTIC Mormon Transporter drives up on the island and passes us all with a lovely middle-finger salute. Thank you. And don't forget to share that gesture with your friends at Sacrament Meeting next Sunday morning love. Oh wait, you wouldn't do that with the Bishop looking!

I try to go to the right, but can't really go anywhere until you know who moves it. And the poor posh BMW sticks out the most into the intersection. Being in Utah, bet you can't guess what happens next...the cars who have been waiting for a green light now make the only logical move they can muster into their bad-driver heads....they begin to move into the intersection too! NEVERMIND the fact that half of the intersection is blocked by near miss accidents! And yes, they begin honking - and Gabby begins to cry. Can't say that I blame her either. Honking horns really aren't my favorite thing either and although I did send a friendly little warning honk to the perpetrator myself, I did not lay into it like most road-ragers tend to do.

Finally, Miss-Better-Snap-Out-Of-It-And-Move-Her-Shouldn't-Be-On-The-Road-Fine-Self-In-The-Silver-Toyota moves into the lane she wanted all along, then proceeds to cut-off another driver to butt into the left-hand turning lane. The BMW and I move on to the stampeding sound of honking horns, share an exasperated look with one another and bid each other adieu.

As I pass the still clueless driver in the left-hand turn lane driving the silver Toyota, I notice her on her cellphone. I shake my head as she turns left in front of a speeding Volkswagen and count my blessings that we all escaped without a mark on our bodies (or our cars bodies for that matter). The lasagna wasn't so lucky. It slid off of the seat and landed upside down on the floor in the passenger seat next to me. At the next light, I lean over to flip it rightside up, thankful that none of it spilled on the upholstery. I am sure it looked like something the cat spit-up when Uncle Pete removed the foil. Sorry Uncle Pete.